Earl Grey Ice Cream

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COLD

I am ready for it to stop being cold. One of my jobs is driving a train in an outdoor mall, so when it is too cold the mall does not run the train and then I can’t do my job. No one wants to take their children to ride the train if it is below freezing outside. That’s understandable. But I still need to work.

Thankfully my other job at the restaurant has been able to give me some extra hours that help balance out the hours I have lost with the train job because of the weather a little bit. It is supposed to get warm again this weekend so hopefully I am able to work the hours I am supposed to at the train.

The Loneliest Sweet Potato by Sabrina Benaim

I’m at the grocery store because I feel sad. I feel sad because nobody is in love with me. nobody is in love with me but everybody loves me. everybody loves me because I’m good at making people feel good. I’m good at making people feel good because I’ve had a lot of practice on myself. practice on myself because I feel sad a lot. I feel sad a lot but when I make people feel good I feel good for a little bit. I feel good for a little bit and then I get lonely I get lonely and I am uncomfortable in my lonely in my lonely at the grocery store I practice trying to make myself feel good by pretending I’m a regular person buying her groceries not a very sad person trying not to cry crying gives me a headache headaches make me want to crawl into bed and crawling into bed is what sad people do what sad people do when they are lonely looks a lot like me at the grocery store in my lonely Oh in my lonely at the grocery store I feel sad but I look just like everybody else while picking out avocados and lemons I don’t nobody refers to as comfort food comfort food makes me want to crawl into bed to crawl into bed reminds me of two things I am sad and I am alone I am alone at the grocery store moving slow in the condiment aisle everybody knows in the condiment aisle it is perfectly acceptable to stand around for too long stand around for too long and I will begin to tap in tap dance lonely in the grocery store is a fantastic name for a book I think to myself while waiting in line to reach the cashier the cashier seemed surprised when I asked her how her night is going her night is going okay she says she says nothing else except cash credit or debit she waves goodbye goodbye is the saddest word I know the saddest word you know is my name my name walks around at the grocery store and feels less add less sad because at the grocery store at least nobody knows there is nobody in love with me

By Sabrina Benaim

https://buttonpoetry.com/sabrina-benaim-loneliest-sweet-potato/

This is one of my favorite poets. One of my hobbies is to listen to spoken word poems, mostly through the Button Poetry facebook page.

Making Room

My roommate Jeans had this planner with “inspirational” sayings in it, that she went through and added comments to, and she gave me this one. I have it hanging up in our room by my bed. Some days it motivates me to make the time and space to add good things to my life but most days it is frustrating because I want to add good things to my life but I already feel overwhelmed with my life and just don’t have time.

Hey, I was still talking

Quiet is a word that has often be used to describe me for my entire life by people who know me. That is fine, it is how I would describe myself. However, it also means for me that when I speak, I want people to pay attention. I don’t speak just for the sake of hearing my own voice, if I speak it is because I feel like I actually have something to add to the conversation.

This is why it is one of my biggest peeves to be cut off or spoken over, while I recognize these things are not usually done on purpose, it has happened to me often enough that I still think it is incredibly rude and hurtful.

I am not a competitive person by nature, so when I get cut off or spoken over I usually don’t say anything because I don’t want to have to compete for someones attention. I won’t compete for a chance to speak.

I spend a lot of time in my own head, so when this would happen so often when I was younger I would ask myself, ‘did I actually speak or was it just in my head?’

It hurts to be spoken over. It tells me that what I have to say or contribute to a conversation does not matter to the person or group that I am speaking to. It makes me less likely to want to speak to that person or group again or at the very least reevaluate if it is worth speaking up next time. I would rather stay quiet than waste what I have to say on people who do not care to listen to what have to say.

Art

One of the ways that Hillside and World Horizons do ministry is through art. We run Gallery Edit in the front of our office in Richmond, VA which is a model for art galleries in our Missions fields. Art as Mission is more than pictures of Jesus and crosses. Every art piece comes with a story of how it relates to the artist’s faith in Christ. It is a way to connect faith and culture, and to invite people into conversations about Jesus Christ.